Modern Family Halloween -

"Lily, sweetie, we talked about this. Halloween is about fun threats, not real ones."

"That’s called immersion , son."

(wearing a store-bought Spider-Man mask and nothing else): "I’m Spider-Man. I poop in the yard."

The whole family gathers at the Dunphy house for the annual "Best Costume" vote. Gloria wins (as always) because she looks like a supermodel in fangs. Jay is eating candy corn directly from the bowl, grimacing. Phil’s QR code costume accidentally scans and starts playing a Nicki Minaj song at full volume.

(pride and horror mixing on his face): "That’s... actually legally sound."