(into phone, hushed) Hey, Mom. No, no one’s dying. Worse. How much toilet paper is “too much”? … She’s laughing. She’s actually laughing. Mom, I used half a roll. For a single wipe. I panicked after the spicy curry. … Yes, I’ll flush twice next time. No, I won’t call it a “pre-flush system.” … Fine. I’ll get the bucket from the garage.
Shh. Shh, shh, shh. Easy now.
He hangs up, sighs deeply, and stares at the bowl again. too much toilet paper clog
Want a shorter version (e.g., for a tweet) or a more dramatic/melancholy tone instead? (into phone, hushed) Hey, Mom
From now on? Three squares. Tops. The rest of you… we go to the bidet. How much toilet paper is “too much”
He gently lowers the plunger into the water. The toilet burbles — a low, guttural sound.