I bought the Virtual Inseminator Pro+ (the "Heritage Breed" DLC bundle) because my partner and I have busy careers and zero patience for the "old-fashioned" method. The promise: Upload your DNA, customize the phenotype sliders, and hit "Initialize." No awkward romance. No dirty dishes. Just data.

The app is shockingly intuitive. You choose "Mode": Natural , Accelerated , or Oops (I chose Accelerated). It then asks you to select a "Gestational Vessel" (the app’s creepy term for "partner"). My wife linked her wearable health ring, and within seconds, the Virtual Inseminator synced her ovulation cycle to the atomic clock.

Yes, but only if you’re okay with your child asking, "Dad, what was my API key again?"